One Idiot Down, 10 Million More To Go

Well, this is going to be a vent...I'm so pissed off and so fucking stressed out! I don't even know where to begin. Let's see. Our friend Ralph has told me that he puts tabasco sauce in the mouth of his 4 year old grandson as a form of punishment. This to me, in conjunction to how he and his wife treat their own kids has just become too much for me to be a part of. There is just too much negativity in his life, his wife is a complete bitch-I REFUSE to be any where around her anymore, and just his way of thinking and how he's raising his kids. Oh, and he's racist. It just seems like the more I talk to him, the more I find out how disfunctional his whole family is and I can't take it anymore! It's getting harder and harder to hold my tongue and not say anything.

Today, I got asked to watch his grandson two days a week. I know he would benefit from the one on one attention that I can give him, but there's just too much drama that's tied with it. I just can't. This kid is way too violent, and to this point has gotten away with murder, and I know his mom doesn't acknowledge there's a problem with how she's handling him and it won't ever change even if I'm working with him. It would impact my family in a negative way and I just can't have it. I guess I struggle with that because I feel like it makes me a bad person to say no to this child that I KNOW is coming from a bad environment.

So, I guess that's what is causing me so much anxiety. I need to tell myself to put myself first and step away from the negative influences in my life. It's ok to say no and not compromise myself. Right?

I like to think of myself as an upbeat person. Compassionate, optimistic. When I talk to him, I can literally feel myself wilting away. There are times I have to bite my tongue because I feel like yelling into the phone, "You fucking idiot! What gives you the right to treat your kids like shit!!? It's idiots like you that should be sterilized." I don't know about you, but I don't think you should be having those thoughts about the people you call your friends. Right? I have reevaluated our friendship and have come to the conclusion that he is not someone who's opinion I value, I feel myself going into a rage quite often when I talk to him, it's stressing me out, he truly is an idiot, and I see my stress level going down by eliminating him from my life. Having said that, I hope I don't wake up a monster tomorrow morning.